Refined By Fire - It ain't over yet!

This evening, just as I was ready to "let it all come out" through a river of tears, my dad called me into the back room where he already had the two younger boys in the "this meeting is now in order" semi-circle.

The intense look in his eyes, deep and dark circles under his eyes, and his tone all told me that something was horrendously dreadfuly wrong. My initial reaction, mentaly, was to go through the lists of things that had not been attacked so far... the dogs and... and my family - my dad's family, my mom's family.

His face was ashen, his voice unshaken, yet so intensly somber - I'll never forget that tone.

Although I did not know her well, my Aunt Susan is a very dear person to my mom, and to our family as a whole - she's my mother's oldest sister and in their younger years, greatest friend.

The term, "they are dead," is only a vague sense of general understanding. Death, in my lifetime has been reserved for pets, and only once when I was seven, for my grandmother on my mom's side. I did not know my grandmother well and was so little that it seemed almost irrelevent to my relationship with the world, at the time.

But this time, when my dad spoke so distinctly and so humbly, "your grandpa Roy called us at church, and told us your Aunt Sue died this morning," left me with a deep and unwavering shock.
As my Aunt Kristen, when I spoke with her only a half hour ago, stated "I don't know what to expect... I don't know what will happen," in a rather panicked tone, I felt the same way. However, I know that whatever happens, I can depend on the Creator of the happenings. I know He is my guide, my Shepherd, my Strong Tower, and my ultimate Home.

And yet, I say all of this with a ever confused, every befuddled, ever wondering mind - will I ever come to terms with "the circle of life?" Will I ever come to terms with that small inconvenient fact that the only happily ever after in life is the happily for-ever you have with Christ, singing Holy, Holy, Holy when death do us part?


A short Psalm over the past life of my Aunt Susan Rummel Wagner, beloved mother, dear sister and precious daughter:

May the Lord bless you and keep you;

may the Lord's face shine upon you and be gracious to you;

May ths Lord lift His countenance upon you and may He give you peace;

May the Lord be gracious to you, and may He give you peace;

Shalom, in Yeshuah's name, Shalom.

May He lift His countenance upon you,

and may He give you peace.

Amen

Refined by Fire - Update Oct. 26, '09. PM

Mom and dad got home around 6:45 pm after being out at the house since ten or eleven this morning, meeting with the insurance company, as well as the fire seargant who was head of the investigation.


The fire started from an over-used out-let in the down stairs bathroom/ pantry. Apparently, the wires had short circuited a couple of times before this incident, and this was just the last straw. The fire probably had been going on for a good two-three (maybe five?) minutes on the ceiling of the basement/ floor of the kitchen before we actually could smell anything burning. Meaning, for those of you who know the in-depth story, the first time dad went down to check the electrical box the fire had already started.

The scoop, so far, is that the kitchen will for sure need gutted, and that corner of the house raised, as the floor of the kitchen is totally unstable (I would post pictures on my blog of our sunken in kitchen floor, and will, soon, hopefully). But because the smoke is so bad, the ceiling in the dining room will have to be redone, and the walls on the first floor will definitely have to be stripped. What is uncertain, at this point, is whether or not the smoke actually got into the walls on our second story, which leaves condemnation open for consideration. If smoke did, then the whole project will be more expensive than we can afford (outrageously so... if you don't have money pouring out of your ears). If it had not, than we will be able to strip the walls and fix up the place as best we can.

A great comfort to us right now is a word that many people from church have been telling us they are receiving in prayer:"Better than before..." "It'll be better than before..."
It's easy to think this in your head, but when it gets right down to it... well I think we are all having a pretty hard time. If condemning the house is the verdict, than we will have several bawling sessions in our house- of course we will probably take turns :)

A List of Needs- literally

For those church friends, family, local friends, and non-local friends who visit my blog regularly and would like to pitch in and help by buying things, or helping in some other way - I have listed our current needs and will be keeping the list relatively updated.

Any cloth and clothing type of thing. Smoke damage is horrendous and it takes five loads of wash to cleanse one load of laundry reasonably enough to wear without gaging. Every article of clothing that was hung up in the girls and boys closest were thrown out - they were stained, and horribly ruined.

Clothing - sizes/ specifics:

Mens:
34-36x30-32 pants (jeans, slacks, sweats)
20/22's jeans and sweats, or work pants - for Derek who is a long and lean 16 in boys

Medium-x-large t-shirts, sweaters, jackets, hooded sweat shirts, long sleeved shirts
large-xlarge Gloves (we will be working on the house for at least a few months)
Long underwear
socks!!!!
Large-xlarge winter coats, working coats, warm for SD coats
x-large hats and scarves to work in (any winter gear is very much appreciated!)

size 11 mens work shoes, tenni-shoes etc. - both dad and Derek

If you want to minister to Derek's soul, he loves books, loves writing, and food is incredible.
Minister to dads soul: Come out and help :) - more on that below

Women's:
3x shirts, sweaters, hooded jackets/ sweaters, jackets, t-shirts, long sleeved shirts
3x sweat pants, working pants
3x very warm winter coat/ working coat,
large hats, large gloves, scarves- again winter gear will be appreciated, so much!

socks
size 11 work boots/ working shoes, tenni-shoes, any shoes

8-10 (long) jeans, sweats, working pants, pants in gen.
medium to large t-shirt, sweaters, hooded sweaters/ jackets, long sleeved shirts
Large Working coat
Large hats, large gloves

socks
size 10 work boots/ working shoes, tenni shoes, shoes

Boys:
10-slims pants, jeans, sweats, working pants
8-10 t-shirts, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, hooded jackets, jackets (mediums, I believe)
10 winter coat, working coat
SOCKS!!
Medium gloves (maybe large)
x-large/ medium mens hats (he's got a big head)

5-6 shoes, boots, work boots, snow boots

Minister to Ethan's soul: Books, bionicles, Lego's - he's a kinesthetic type of guy :)

Girls:
6-7 (slims??) pants, jeans, sweats, working pants, skirts, skorts, dresses
6-7 t-shirts, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, hooded jackets, jackets
7 winter coat, working coat
socks!
Small- medium gloves
Medium hats (scarves)

1-2 shoes, boots, work boots, snow boots,

Minister to Hannah's soul: Polly-pockets, dolls, - girl toys, nail polish - she's very much of a girly girl, and loves books


Food stuffs:
I think we're good through the middle of next week -
Thank you ALL SO much! So many crowns in Heaven for each of you!!!! And six hearts full of gratitude and prayers of blessings!


Misc:
Hygienics


House:
Muscle and clean-up crew (the facility has no heat, water, or light. Dress warm, bring water. The area is not at all safe for children. Our kiddos stay at New Haven, or play with friends during this time. Too much glass, kitchen is unstable, etc.. Please contact us with a good time for you to come out and help, if you are able to - this would be such a blessing to our entire family! It's gonna be a long haul - long winter - long time before the house is habitable.

linens/ bed-sheets - four twins, one king
Comforters
Pillows (we have seven people home during Christmas :)

Towels
Wash clothes


News update: It was slightly unnerving tossing things you remember buying not too long ago from a resale store - very unnerving. I felt like such a waster, counting the price of things as I shoved them into a big, black trash bag. $75, $3, $8, $10.... it all adds up! Wasted. Gone. Hardly used. Of course, I didn't come across the $75 objects often... okay only once, but I will remember that thing for a long time, and to think I only used it twice!! Ugh! Such a waste!
But it can, and most undoubtedly will be replaced - it is replaceable. I would rather throw away a $75 business suit than have to bury a priceless sibling, best friend - my dearest possessions right now (although, technically, you do not posses your siblings, nor do you own their friendship... it's a gift... a priceless gift - one you have only for a life-time, depending on how short, or long God has dictated your life to be)

Dad and I think we have a little insight into the Mind of God - though it may be treading on dangerous ground to say this so lightly.
Perhaps, just maybe, God is one who allows bad things to happen in life, not because he is ruthless or mean, but rather, He allows the evil one to do harsh things to us, He allows the consequences or our sins to catch up with us, because those negative things push us closer to the human God originally intended us to be - it's the refining by fire to become that pure, innocent, beautiful piece of gold... pure, resilient, of the highest value - what GOD created us to be.

Lead me to the Cross Prt 2

I have titled this adventure "Lead me to the Cross" because of the worship song with that title.
One of the first verses is "everything I once held dear - I count it all as lost; Lead me to the cross where your blood poured out; bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down; rid me of myself - I belong to you; Lord lead me, lead me to the cross..."
This song resignated with me very much this evening, after throwing away most everything I own. It's very odd stating this - but it's true.

"I don't wanna be homeless,

but I am.

I don't wanna be needy,

but I am."

~ I think anyone who has experienced a tragedy in their life.

Let me be poured out-

emptied out-

Oh Lord.

We are emptied and gutted out.

We are homeless,

and poured out.

Pour us, empty us out,

Oh Lord.

Let us be sfe in you,

be our home- our shelter-

Be our safe haven,

Oh Lord.

Gut us and make us new -

A new creation for you.

Recreate us, in your image;

a new creation in your image;

a creation created for you;

poured our for you;

sheltered in you.

Amen.

"Lead Me to the Cross..."

Thursday, 6:20/30 AM, October 22, 2009, a fire started in the basement of our home on the great plains, and devoured the north-east corner of our basement, and kitchen floor.

Smoke damage, apparently, is worse than fire damage, and, today, as I was sorting through all of mine and my sisters belongings with some dear family friends, I saw how true that is. Trash bags, filled to the brim, are pile up in our front yard.

Water flooded our basement, and dripped, drop by drop, down from the bed room floors, through the first-floors ceiling, into the lamps, and drop-by-drop onto the floor - leaving a person feeling like they are in an abandoned shed in the amazon. Our cats inhabited our house yesterday evening, as did our dogs. It was just slightly unnerving walking into my home to see a barn cat slink around the sopping couch crying "meOOW!"

The walls are stained, and our dining room ceiling is peeling off - falling off in chunks... worse than I though.

And it sounds so horrific! Yet, through the smoke stained walls, charred basement, flooded living room, and empty bed rooms, I have been contantly amazed at God's faithfulness. He truly will "never leave nor forsake us" (heb 13:5). He is committed to us - 'til death do us part from this earth, and we fly on the wings of eternity.

And, I just heard, my older sister is currently in the ER. Prayers for her would be so very much appreciated! She is in college, her blog is http://www.blindlyservinghim.blogspot.com/

If you would, please be praying for our family. My two youngest siblings are having a very hard time, and it will be many weeks before we can move back into our home on the plain.

God richly bless and keep!

Miss Elisabeth

Holy of Holies

"Take me past the outer courts into the Holy Place;

past the Brazen alter - Lord I want to see your face;

Take me past the crowds of people and the priest who sing your praise.

I hunger and thirst for your righteousness, but it's only found in one place.

Take me into the Holy of Holy's; Take me in by the Blood of the Lamb; take me into the Holy of Holy's; take the coal, touch my lips. Here I am."

- Kutless 'Take Me In."

Life can dish out some pretty crazy stuff. Crazier than even I had thought.

Abuse and neglect were two verbs I have only ever experienced through the "Big Screen" - my "big door" to reality, in a sense.

A friend of mine recently shared some of their history with me. Vaguely explaining the situation they grew up in, giving me just a wee taste of what life might possibly be like without a daddy whose arms I can run into, whenever I feel an emotional deficit, or that craving for attention, affirmation and someone stronger and bigger than I to help me stand on my feet again.

A life without a father to look up to, who also was the daddy you could run to; a life without a mother who honored and cherished the relationship she had with her husband - who cherished me. A life without a Poppa who was in love with his wife, protected, loved and respected the beautiful woman he had chosen to spend his life with; a life where the people I looked up to didn't share the same house as I.

- This life style is so totally and completely different from anything I have ever known.

So different, in fact, that my mind cannot stretch enough to even begin to fathom a life of abuse and such deep rooted pain.

Such questions as: Why would a dad hurt his children, or his wife? He chose to marry her? If he despised her so much why did he commit to living his life with her? Does he not understand marriage vows?

Yes, I seem very naive. Probably, in all honesty, I am very naive.

You see, I have grown up with, since I can remember as a little six year old, a father who told me "I only represent the Abba Father you have in Heaven. God entrusted me with you to take care of and love, but I'm human and I won't always do a good job (I'll stumble and fall). God gave you to me to steward, to teach about God - your real Daddy. There will be some day when I won't be here, and you'll have to completely depend on God to be your daddy."

At one time he mentioned "I hope I can do as good a job as He entrusted me to do..."

What complete love. The love I have grown up with, felt, experienced and been shown since I was just a tiny little being.

For a couple years I have been in deep prayer and reflection about why God has chosen to place me here, for this season. Through prayer, I have received, many times, the word "hidden."

Now, when one hides something, when speaking about other people, specifically women, one may think of a women hidden behind a veil due to shame based emotions, religion, and over all a shame-based psychology.

This is not the mentality God would have us live, I believe. To be hidden because you are ashamed is not what God has intended for mankind, and this is not what he meant when he gave me the word "hidden."

To be hidden, more in the context of buried treasure is, I believe, what the God of the Universe was referring to.

The life-style we lead is very different, weird if you will, compared to the rest of the American culture (possibly even world in general). I have been blessed with parents who firmly believe Philippians 4:8 should be taken seriously and that "what you put into your brain will eventually come out (to haunt you/ bless you, hurt others/ bless others, etc.)."

Our life-style is very secluded. We enjoy the company of other human beings, who wouldn't? Intelligent conversation with homo sapien's is a hobby of ours, and frivolous-very-bubbly-sometimes-stupid conversations with other girls is something I freely waste my time on, so long as the time and place are right.

In our secluded and weird life-style, I have found loneliness to be a close companion of mine, as have my siblings, and even my parents at times.

Loneliness is due to the lack of emotional connection with like-minded people whom share the same season of life with you. Very few people have I shared any particular season of life with. Loneliness is a rampant disease in the hearts, minds and emotional core of my generation.

Honestly, I am in firm belief that this loneliness is actually a blessing, in a way. In being lonely I have "not seen the real world" and so "do not live in the real world."

In other words, I have not experienced those things that teenagers normally experience while trying to figure themselves out in a world that really doesn't care much for who they are as individuals. A world where sex and drugs rage wild in youth and young adults. Where alcohol numbs the mind and soul of any real sense of belonging, Agape love, Hope, Truth, Light, LIFE, fulfillment, forgiveness... and so many other nouns, verbs and adjectives, of so many youngsters.

In my loneliness, in my seclusion, in the hiddeness God has kept me in, I find I've been protected. I've been shielded. Loved, and held to the highest standard of living. He's truly kept me in "the apple of His eye."

He has "never left me nor forsaken me."

He will "be with me always."
Where I go "there He will be also."

God will not leave you. He has not, and He will never forsake you. Loneliness is probably protection. Nothing is ever as it seems. The unexpected is to be expected. And Principalities and Powers wage war.

If ever you need anything, run, sprint.. leap into His arms. They were made for you to run into.

If ever you fall down, and are crying for help, in pain, lonely, miserable, hopeless, doubting, call upon the Might One - He'll pick you up.

He'll lift you up.

He's standing beside you.

He's felt your pain.

When you have hit rock bottom and you don't know which way is up or down, call upon the Lord. He'll lead you into His Holy of Holy's - and there none can harm you.

"If God is for you, who can be against you."

When God is with you, who can harm you?

You have the Lord "what can man do to you?"

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path (or make your path strait)"

Proverbs 3:5-6

Want Two Books?

Last week, as I thought about all the incredible things that come out of a garden, and how much fun it is to bake/ cook food directly out of the garden (you can get pretty artistic!!) I decided to start writing on new-found recipes, my gardening adventures and basically anything regarding to my garden space, kitchen and how you can link the two together with some imagination :)

I must say, it's been a lot of fun taking and posting pictures, looking for things that are seemingly insignificant, but actually contribute quite a bit to a healthy garden (such as painted turtles, rainbow colored butterflies, and frogs springing to and froe).
Capturing the moment is probably the most frusterating aspect, however it adds a tastey challenge to my day-to-day life.

Also, The Art of Femininity is another blog which encourages Godly femininity pretty through every aspect of life and dissects all "Godly Femininity" means, could mean, and is defined according to the Bible.
The Art of Femininity is holding a book drawing this month. In order to apply for the book drawing, you need to read "Honor, Patronage, Kinship and Purity" by David A. deSilva.

DeSilva's book is actually quite fascinating, as the author "Unlocks New Testement culture."
When you have completed the book, and written a book review on your blog, comment on The Art of Femininity's "Challenge" blogpost, with your blog title and name.
There will be a drawing, for all those who accepted the challenge, on the weekend of July 12th, 2009.
If your name is drawn you'll be contacted through a commont on your latest blog post, giving you an email to send your address to - shipping is taken care of :)

God richly bless you this week!