The intense look in his eyes, deep and dark circles under his eyes, and his tone all told me that something was horrendously dreadfuly wrong. My initial reaction, mentaly, was to go through the lists of things that had not been attacked so far... the dogs and... and my family - my dad's family, my mom's family.
His face was ashen, his voice unshaken, yet so intensly somber - I'll never forget that tone.
Although I did not know her well, my Aunt Susan is a very dear person to my mom, and to our family as a whole - she's my mother's oldest sister and in their younger years, greatest friend.
The term, "they are dead," is only a vague sense of general understanding. Death, in my lifetime has been reserved for pets, and only once when I was seven, for my grandmother on my mom's side. I did not know my grandmother well and was so little that it seemed almost irrelevent to my relationship with the world, at the time.
But this time, when my dad spoke so distinctly and so humbly, "your grandpa Roy called us at church, and told us your Aunt Sue died this morning," left me with a deep and unwavering shock.
As my Aunt Kristen, when I spoke with her only a half hour ago, stated "I don't know what to expect... I don't know what will happen," in a rather panicked tone, I felt the same way. However, I know that whatever happens, I can depend on the Creator of the happenings. I know He is my guide, my Shepherd, my Strong Tower, and my ultimate Home.
And yet, I say all of this with a ever confused, every befuddled, ever wondering mind - will I ever come to terms with "the circle of life?" Will I ever come to terms with that small inconvenient fact that the only happily ever after in life is the happily for-ever you have with Christ, singing Holy, Holy, Holy when death do us part?
A short Psalm over the past life of my Aunt Susan Rummel Wagner, beloved mother, dear sister and precious daughter:
May the Lord bless you and keep you;
may the Lord's face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
May ths Lord lift His countenance upon you and may He give you peace;
May the Lord be gracious to you, and may He give you peace;
Shalom, in Yeshuah's name, Shalom.
May He lift His countenance upon you,
and may He give you peace.