"Take me past the outer courts into the Holy Place;
past the Brazen alter - Lord I want to see your face;
Take me past the crowds of people and the priest who sing your praise.
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness, but it's only found in one place.
Take me into the Holy of Holy's; Take me in by the Blood of the Lamb; take me into the Holy of Holy's; take the coal, touch my lips. Here I am."
- Kutless 'Take Me In."
Life can dish out some pretty crazy stuff. Crazier than even I had thought.
Abuse and neglect were two verbs I have only ever experienced through the "Big Screen" - my "big door" to reality, in a sense.
A friend of mine recently shared some of their history with me. Vaguely explaining the situation they grew up in, giving me just a wee taste of what life might possibly be like without a daddy whose arms I can run into, whenever I feel an emotional deficit, or that craving for attention, affirmation and someone stronger and bigger than I to help me stand on my feet again.
A life without a father to look up to, who also was the daddy you could run to; a life without a mother who honored and cherished the relationship she had with her husband - who cherished me. A life without a Poppa who was in love with his wife, protected, loved and respected the beautiful woman he had chosen to spend his life with; a life where the people I looked up to didn't share the same house as I.
- This life style is so totally and completely different from anything I have ever known.
So different, in fact, that my mind cannot stretch enough to even begin to fathom a life of abuse and such deep rooted pain.
Such questions as: Why would a dad hurt his children, or his wife? He chose to marry her? If he despised her so much why did he commit to living his life with her? Does he not understand marriage vows?
Yes, I seem very naive. Probably, in all honesty, I am very naive.
You see, I have grown up with, since I can remember as a little six year old, a father who told me "I only represent the Abba Father you have in Heaven. God entrusted me with you to take care of and love, but I'm human and I won't always do a good job (I'll stumble and fall). God gave you to me to steward, to teach about God - your real Daddy. There will be some day when I won't be here, and you'll have to completely depend on God to be your daddy."
At one time he mentioned "I hope I can do as good a job as He entrusted me to do..."
What complete love. The love I have grown up with, felt, experienced and been shown since I was just a tiny little being.
For a couple years I have been in deep prayer and reflection about why God has chosen to place me here, for this season. Through prayer, I have received, many times, the word "hidden."
Now, when one hides something, when speaking about other people, specifically women, one may think of a women hidden behind a veil due to shame based emotions, religion, and over all a shame-based psychology.
This is not the mentality God would have us live, I believe. To be hidden because you are ashamed is not what God has intended for mankind, and this is not what he meant when he gave me the word "hidden."
To be hidden, more in the context of buried treasure is, I believe, what the God of the Universe was referring to.
The life-style we lead is very different, weird if you will, compared to the rest of the American culture (possibly even world in general). I have been blessed with parents who firmly believe Philippians 4:8 should be taken seriously and that "what you put into your brain will eventually come out (to haunt you/ bless you, hurt others/ bless others, etc.)."
Our life-style is very secluded. We enjoy the company of other human beings, who wouldn't? Intelligent conversation with homo sapien's is a hobby of ours, and frivolous-very-bubbly-sometimes-stupid conversations with other girls is something I freely waste my time on, so long as the time and place are right.
In our secluded and weird life-style, I have found loneliness to be a close companion of mine, as have my siblings, and even my parents at times.
Loneliness is due to the lack of emotional connection with like-minded people whom share the same season of life with you. Very few people have I shared any particular season of life with. Loneliness is a rampant disease in the hearts, minds and emotional core of my generation.
Honestly, I am in firm belief that this loneliness is actually a blessing, in a way. In being lonely I have "not seen the real world" and so "do not live in the real world."
In other words, I have not experienced those things that teenagers normally experience while trying to figure themselves out in a world that really doesn't care much for who they are as individuals. A world where sex and drugs rage wild in youth and young adults. Where alcohol numbs the mind and soul of any real sense of belonging, Agape love, Hope, Truth, Light, LIFE, fulfillment, forgiveness... and so many other nouns, verbs and adjectives, of so many youngsters.
In my loneliness, in my seclusion, in the hiddeness God has kept me in, I find I've been protected. I've been shielded. Loved, and held to the highest standard of living. He's truly kept me in "the apple of His eye."
He has "never left me nor forsaken me."
He will "be with me always."
Where I go "there He will be also."
Where I go "there He will be also."
God will not leave you. He has not, and He will never forsake you. Loneliness is probably protection. Nothing is ever as it seems. The unexpected is to be expected. And Principalities and Powers wage war.
If ever you need anything, run, sprint.. leap into His arms. They were made for you to run into.
If ever you fall down, and are crying for help, in pain, lonely, miserable, hopeless, doubting, call upon the Might One - He'll pick you up.
He'll lift you up.
He's standing beside you.
He's felt your pain.
When you have hit rock bottom and you don't know which way is up or down, call upon the Lord. He'll lead you into His Holy of Holy's - and there none can harm you.
"If God is for you, who can be against you."
When God is with you, who can harm you?
You have the Lord "what can man do to you?"
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path (or make your path strait)"