It does not seem that the time of an eternity could come close to hold all that which is upon the heart of my friends, and my own heart.
My daily prayer is, "Lord, Lord, give me the words You would have me speak! Let my heart meditate upon the things Your heart meditates upon! Make me into Your image bearer; Let me be Your Azer...."
The Lord is very good, and has given enough words in my heart to last through a life time. How these words are to make their way from my heart, to my lips, into the world, I haven't the faintest idea.
My sister in South Africa ("a sister from a different mother but the same Abba, Father"), her and I have been talking over the email for a few weeks now, and she stated in her last email, which I feel absolutely compelled to share,
"What am I and what are you doing
with the wonderful conviction
God has given us?
And how dare we keep it to ourselves!"
Conviction is something that Christians feel when the Lord presses something into their heart. Something that will not, that cannot, exit from your heart; Something that refuses to quiet itself, and prods at your heart and soul and mind until it nearly drives one mad. Unless you let go, and allow it to escape in the form in which God has designed it to be let loosed.
This prodding is that of Purity.
Yes, I do mean sexual purity, but, my friends, I also mean a mental and emotional and relational purity that the world does not usually speak of. In fact, as a young adult, I have rarely (never, in fact) heard of this kind of purity, verbalized in such a way, until a sister in the Lord introduced it to me. And this for a girl raised in the church!!!
Purity is something that, I believe, my generation, a great number of us, are seeking, and yearning for and desiring with our entire hearts. But it not introduced to us in the way which the Lord would like us to be walking in - the depth which Christ intends us to chase after with fuller abandon.
Many young people are encouraged to keep journals or write letters to their future spouse. This is one way which they can keep themselves accountable and create in their minds a psychological tangibility of the idea that there could in fact be a godly man or woman also waiting for them, as they themselves are waiting.
However, as this friend stated, and which had not actually made itself fathomable to me in my own mind (if fathomable is the appropriate term - because the right words for things only come to me with great challenge)...
... that the idea has now crossed my mind(through the conversation with a dear friend and sister in the Lord) that this may not be the most healthy thing young men and women are doing for themselves, or, in fact, their future spouse and their relationship.
I, myself, now see this to be the case, to an extent.
Not only do you, as a human being, create certain expectations and a certain ideal of what your future spouse will be, look like, how they will think, act, etc., but, as my friend stated, it also creates, psychologically, a relationship with someone who has yet to materialize in your life.
Putting this plainly, they are writing letters to a figment of imagination and creating expectations and an ideal of someone whom can never be. Perhaps there will be similarities between their imaginative spouse and the spouse whom God chooses for them, of this I don't see as all that unlikely, but it does seem unfair to hold onto such childish things, especially when our fantasies only reach a certain depth (of shallowness) and real life and real relationships can be so deep, and rich, and edifying.
I have found, personally, that my imagination and fantasies are sometimes not all that edifying. Not nearly as edifying and rich and don't carry the depth which life and other human beings can offer.
Again, I do not mean to imply or say that writing to your future spouse is evil or negative, or any such thing, itself. Rather, one, as humans, and romantics, and perhaps even lonely people, tend to make it into something negative. It is a good tool for a good season to keep you accountable to someone who is to come.
Blessings in Him who Was and Is and Is to Come!!
(I wrote this sometime last month, or so, but didn't post it because thoughts and ideas were still coming to mind... I dearly hope it makes some sense, and so dearly wish that words were something that came a little more easily to my slow mind! Praise the Lord for those of you who God has laid many words upon your lips! You Aaron's are an amazing blessing! Speak those words which the Lord would have you speak!
God richly bless and keep you all :)